This story is not exaggerated:
7:00- Picked up Doug from school.
7:15- Ate dinner together.
7:45- Dropped him off back at school. Headed home with "the monster."
8:00- (Normal Bed Time)- Got home. Stripped the child down. Realized she had been stinky for a long time and now had a red bum. (Great...) Remembered it was bath night anyways. Proceeded to try to wipe off the mess that had now bonded to the child's backside while she used all her strength to try to roll over and run away about 35 times.
8:15- Filled up tub. Put child in. Child immediately tries to stand up and slips all over the place. I force her to sit down. (Repeat last two sentences about 35 times.)
8:20- Try to wet, wash and rinse child as she screams and thrashes around and gulps water down.
8:25- Dry her off. Clean out ears. Brush hair. She chews on my non-waterproof watch peacefully. I happily let her.
8:30- Enter child's bedroom. Get diaper, desitin and jamies out. Lay child down to put on diaper. Fight her to lay on her back while she screams and tries with all her strength to roll over and run away.
8:35- Continue to fight her to lay on her back while trying all distractions I can think of.
8:40- Continue to fight her to lay on her back while trying all distractions I can think of including letting her hold a pair of scissors. Nothing worked.
8:42- Give up. She immediately rolls over and looks at me and starts giggling. She crawls all around and plays and keeps looking at me and giggling and wanting me to play with her. I just stare, straight faced until I can't help it and play with her.
8:50- Try to put diaper on again. She refuses to lay on her back. Attempt to put desitin on her while she's standing up. Successfully slime the back of her and manhandle her to reach the front. In the process, the desitin gets all over my shirt and pants and all over her back and legs.
8:53- Continue trying to put desitin on front, and when I finally do, she urinates all over her just cleaned body and all over the carpet. Yell out child's name and she immediately starts laughing. Shake head in disbelief.
8:55- Pin child to the floor. Dry off wetness and desitin job. Put diaper underneath her. She struggles and struggles. She urinates again on the new diaper and on the carpet and on herself.
9:00- Dry her off. Redo desitin job. Put diaper on. Put jamies on. She seems to have given up. Make bottle. Feed bottle. She instantly falls asleep.
What a night. I will be forever grateful when Doug is done with his late Law School nights.
3 comments:
Me and Michelle just sat through a movie that was supposedly a "comedy," and Michelle maybe cracked a smile twice. Then she checks her Google Reader before bed and reads your post, and she is rolling on the floor laughing her head off. (Can you say hitting too close to home?) Sorry it was a rough night, but thanks for sharing.
Shauna! I was doing some facebooking and blogstalking and came across yours and Doug's blog. That's cool that he's in law school. I'm a 2L right now. My wife and I just had our first baby, a girl :) I'm sure it won't be too long before we go through something similar. Thanks for sharing and letting others have a laugh. Cheers!
Ahhhh. The joys of motherhood:)!
Post a Comment